Earningsleep

She’s just subbing, she was funny, no harm done.

At the same time it does seem silly to come on to a channel that has had a well established time rule since like, 2007, and then not honour that rule.

But like, really, guys? Calling for punishment? On the sub?

I’m grateful for the help my parents have given me with school, and I really don’t want them to spend any more on me right now. But they’re really insisting. So, I ask you tumblr:

Is it stupid to ask them to put whatever they planned on spending on a chapters gift card for me? I plan on moving out soon and I want to have a home library when I do. I add to my own collection when I can but books ain’t cheap. So a bit of money to go nuts with would go a long way to bolstering my collection. I feel like that’s dumb though. But it’s honestly all I can say that I’d want right now

my mum always thanks me like it was a chore or something.  I absolutely love doing it.  They’re two of my favourite people to spend time with, and I don’t get to see them nearly enough.  I need to make these dinners more frequent.

and I want to go do things.  Where do I start?

Lord.  Umm okay, I may not get to ten, but:

1. I have trouble starting things because I want them to be perfect.  Which is hilariously stupid.  But, like, I don’t really write songs because I know that they won’t be any good, and I don’t want to be that guy writing crappy 4 chord songs with lyrics that will make me cringe when I listen to them in 5 years.  Which is awful of me to say, and I actually admire when other people do it.  Like you go 4 chords guy.  At least you’re making an effect and have the courage to put yourself out there.  In my subconscious mind, I guess I think that it’s better to do nothing than to do something poorly, which is backwards, because you have to do things, period, to get better at them.  And I’ll never create the great things that I want if I don’t trudge through the shit first.
2. I have a problem with nostalgia, meaning that I make anything glorious after it’s over, even if it wasn’t.  My university experience in Ottawa was kind of shitty, yet I still find myself thinking about it some times, going, “I kind of miss that”.  I mean there were some good moments, and I really miss living on my own, but overall, I wouldn’t want to go back there.  Yet somehow I glamorize it in my head.  I mean I guess that it’s a good thing, because it’s nice to remember things fondly, but when the past becomes more appealing than the present, you have a problem.  I love doing new things though, and once I do them I am so glad that I did.  I have as many fond fantasies about the future as I do the past, I promise, although I worry those might suffer from the same separation from reality that my memories often have.  I just have trouble shooting myself into the unknown.  I love what I know, and what makes me comfortable.  Too much change too fast can trigger certain things with me and it can be stressful.  I’m working to overcome that though.  If I don’t take some chances in my life, I’m afraid I’ll wake up one day with a lot of regret.

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